Spice Girls (careful)

Stumped!

In some remote village of India, a teacher is reading the Mahabharata to Std VI students. He reaches the part, when Lord Krishna is going to be born.

Masterji: Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister’s eighth child is going to kill him. He was furious. He ordered that Krishna’s parents, Vasudev and Devki, be put behind the bars.

First son is born, and Kansa kills him by poisoning him. Second one is born and Kansa throws him off a mountain peak. Third one is born...”
Now Ramu, who is the smartest of the lot, puts up his hand. “Masterji, I have a doubt,” (sounding nervous and confused).

Masterji: Ramu bete, nobody in the world has a doubt regarding the Mahabharata then how come you have one?”

Ramu: Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki’s eighth child was going to kill him, then why the hell did he lock Vasudev and Devaki in the same jail?

Masterji fainted...

Parrot

Hello
Enjoy!!!

Part 1

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'

The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bejte.'

Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam
hai kya ?'

He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi
Bechte'

On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'

He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to hathoda
marunga sar ke upar'

The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya
?'

The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'

The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'

Part-2

The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks
"Aam hai kya??"

The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hitz the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks

"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???" ?

Polish

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick"!

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house.

LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar."

LAWYER: Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: No, We have a carport and don't need a grudge.

LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations live in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound.

LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I'm always up before her."

LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me!"

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say "Polish Remover"